I am the one in the middle, the only child not smiling.
I have just read in Stylist magazine that primary schools are actually considering banning best friends. Huh? Firstly, how on earth would one police such a thing? And secondly, isn’t that just a bit … well, borderline archaic fascism? Controlling the relationships we form is surely the beginning to a brutal and totalitarian society. Or maybe I’m just being an overactive alarmist. But I don’t think I am. I know for a fact that if someone told me I could not be best friends with my best friend, I would go out of my way to remain best friends with her and keep it a secret. This can only encourage poor espionage and bad classroom behaviour. Next thing we know, there will be six year old children marching through Westminister demanding the rights to their bezzie mate. And who would blame them? Obviously, the primary school teachers.
When exactly did the best friend saga become the source of all known evil? Apart from the occasional teary tantrum I never deemed them to be overly distracting. Granted, best friends can be a complete pain in the arse. They demand privileges that I have known married couples to refuse one another, they are completely and utterly jealous possessive creatures, and when you piss them off they’ll let you know about it with the venom of their words. But isn’t that just life? Some of the girls in my school lived by the unspoken rule that you were only ever allowed to have one best friend at a time. You couldn’t hoard your allies. I was never keen on this dictation, I preferred to be a little bit more promiscuous in my friendships. It sometimes looked worse than marriage. I think I was pretty lucky in my choice of friends, they like me seemed to prefer the more laissez faire approach to classroom courting.
The early years are where we form some of our most important bonds. It’s when we learn about relationships, we grow closer to discovering the type of person that we want to become. Our friends ground us, they keep us from wearing terrible clothes, from kiss chasing the terrible boys and from being big headed morons. It’s your friends who turn and tell you: “No, do not go on the Apprentice, you’ll only end up looking like a stupid fool”. Only my friends from childhood are ever able to be so brutally honest. Everyone post the age of 14 can be classed as fair weather and uncommitted.
My cousin and I playing. She is holding a plastic bird with a really long tail. I appear to be sporting a rather tatty fascinator. No change there then. I have also just spotted the ugliest curtains in the world, not to mention the worst radiator covers. Oh mother, what were you thinking?
Now I know what you’re thinking, is that Kate Moss? I believe that I had just finished cutting my own hair when this picture was taken. As you can see, I did a smashing job avoiding my ears and my eyes. I would also like to add, that I totally meant for my trousers to hang that way. It’s so urban street it’s chic. I am also clutching a pencil case, way before Christopher Kane dreamt up the concept. You could say that I was his muse…
Until recently, this was going to be the official poster for the London 2012 Olympics. But due to the picture being taken in Japan and containing an empty glass of wine behind a three year old child, they had to rethink. My mother did however later send this picture to Freddie Mercury as well as an audition tape of me singing The Birdy Song. And yes, that is all my own hair.